Thursday, February 16, 2017
Happiness......
I learned over the years how hard you try to make people happy, be a good person or the follow the rules, people are going to view or judge you regardless. Sad, but true. This goes for work, home and definitely in relationships. We all know relationships would be the better topic here since we all are in one, been in one or looking for one. I tell my best friend Michelle all the time that men in their 40's still act like they are in their twenty's. Still with that immature mentality, that when can I hit that attitude. I know this goes for my younger ladies. I know I would expect that for the younger men out here, but no excuse for you to be putting up with it. We all wish that is was a course taught in school for men on how to be in a meaningful relationship, how to take care of your woman, mentally physically and emotionally. Would be a lot of F's as grades, but just imagine the education they would get. Not a class taught by Steve Harvey, but Iyanla Vanzant. Ok,maybe Steve as a guest speaker. I do applaud those men that have taken their time to learn the woman they are with, or date with a purpose, giving that wonderful woman an opportunity to potentially show you that she might be the one. I love to here stories of men that realized they lost their soul mate and come back to get her. Always a love story there. I wanted Valentine's Day to be my first post. I'm such a romantic. I enjoy seeing that excitement in woman making romantic plans for their special someone. Getting idea's on how to spice up things a bit. I wanted us to share with each other idea's to help keep that fire burning or to get it lit if it has died. Let me hear from you. I know Valentine's day has passed,but it can be Valentine's Day everyday in the bedroom. Let's talk.....
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This post is so inspiring and you are absolutely correct no matter what the situation is you will be judged and it's hard to not be perfect in any aspect of your life but trust im learning that perfect is boring.
ReplyDeleteThank you Jimmice for your comment. In a perfect world, we all would be perfect. No debt,our dream job, that idea husband and kid's that stayed on the honor roll and out of trouble.But,without mistakes and life challenges, we would not grow and learn right from wrong or how to become a better person. Remember,the perfect people appear to be perfect.
ReplyDeleteYou're welcome and thanks for the advice. Can't wait to hear more from you.
ReplyDeleteI love this blog! it speaks volumes. You had a valid point about being judged regardless of what you do and it is sad but true. Keeping that fire burning I think should be 50/50. keeping the spice and interests comes from both parts it helps you learn one another and to leave space to try new things. Im a romantic myself and I find joy and happiness when someone actually shows you how much they love you and to see the extra mile that was taken to get there. Most men out here make you believe that chivalry is dead when its not. Ill piggy back off Tasha when she said that there should be a class taught about relationship etiquette that will give men more knowledge as far as learning their spouse instead of having that hit it and quit it mentality. Nobody is perfect by far. and I think thats what makes it interesting to learn all flaws and grow and accept them.
ReplyDeleteGreat point Denise! Relationships are hard work. Trying to build that perfect relationship takes 100% from both of you. As woman,we be so eager to build that great relationship giving 100% and only receiving 50%. That's when communication comes in. We have to learn to talk to our partners and not at them. Trying to see their view and understanding on what is going on. Yelling turns into things that you don't mean and can cause a breakup. Love is a beautiful thing with the right person. You have to build it to where it will work for both of you. Their are some wonderful men out their that are still looking for a good woman to LOVE. Thanks Denise for your comment.
DeleteI enjoyed reading your post. No matter what you do bad or good people are going to judge. That's why you should always do as you please and whatever makes you happy. Guys do take a longer time to mature and a course in school for them would be great. your post reminds me that we should never settle for less then we deserve. I loved it and can't wait to read the next one...
ReplyDeleteWelcome Ingrid to my blog. Your correct Ingrid. We do have to do what makes us happy. You cant make another person happy if you are not happy with your self. I have learned that over the years. I enjoy making other people happy, doing things just because I wanted to put a smile on that persons face even if I didn't have one on mine. But, still today. it's a challenge for me. Never settle for anything Ingrid. You know your worth,it's up to the man you are with or will be with to see it also. Continue to stay positive. Thank you for your comment.
DeleteAs far as classes goes.. Both Men & Women need classes on how to treat one another, preferably taught by the opposite sex. Maybe Ms. Brown Sugar Vixen we can do something to that nature one of these days....Each one teach one
DeleteLove your blog. Great Content. You will definitely go far . I'll be sure to share it on my blog and social media as well.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Star. I really appreciate the support and look forward to meeting sitting with you to help me succeed.
ReplyDeleteBefore I give my 2 cents.. Ms. Brown Sugar Vixen, you hit the nail right on the head. Who gives a shyt what other people thinks about your prerogative. Haters is gonna hate & lovers is gonna love(Dave Chappelle.) Your gonna get judged regardless good or bad so just do what you want too do, just As long as you and your partner are on the same page. Now my two cents... ROLE PLAY. ROLE PLAY. ROLE PLAY. From experience it is a great way to stay fresh & spice things up in & out of the bedroom. Also dont be quiet. Always tell your partner what you like & dont like. Lastly have fun. Sometime you gotta get naked and have spontaneous sex in the middle of the night @ a park close by. Well maybe not that adventurous but you get the picture. peace & Luv Mike P
ReplyDeleteThank you Mike P. for your male prospective. It is always good hearing from men to help us shed light on how to deal with certain situations or just to find out when men like. Woman do have to get out of being shy in the bedroom. If we add GOD to the scenario,married woman should defiantly be all for it. No complaints or excuses. but,what about those woman that are just in relationships. Do we give all we have in the bedroom just for it to possibly not work?
DeleteGreat question. My honest answer is Yes. If your not giving your ALL in the bedroom, then somebody else is waiting right around the corner to fill in the gap. Unfortunately even with the most mature men, we put our physical needs first then our emotional needs comes afterwards. A lot of times we shield our emotions so we dont get hurt. Men have a harder time dealing with the emotions of a relationship then women(FACTS!). That is why you see a lot women put their feelings on the line first because of my earlier statement. With that said, In my opinion, ..Love is like gambling unfortunately. Sometimes you hit the Jackpot & find your soulmate. Other times you crap out, lose your money & have a horrible relationship. So Just in case you hit the Jackpot you have to go ALL OUT with your draws out! :)
DeleteLove is a gamble. It's hard,but you do have to take those chances to see what happens. No one wants to feel hurt or any kind of disappointment,but it happens. The ultimate goal for myself and all my single woman out here is that we will hit the JACKPOT. Thank you Mike. Please continue to follow me with your great advice.
DeleteI have to agree a lot of men aren't in touch with their feelings and don't know how to express themselves because they think its weak or they will be look at differently. We as women have to make sure home is taking care of but that doesn't mean that men shouldn't do the same.When men don't take of home it leads some of us women to doubt your feelings about us or make us think otherwise. We often wear our hearts on our sleeve and give our all to the representative and not the real you.
DeleteJimmice, indeed Men have to take care of home. I will say, The "Representative" label is accurate. Everyday you are with your partner you should learn something new about each other. I believe in ever changing & growing as individuals first before as an unit. Preferably growing together but unfortunately that does not happen & we do not live in fairy tale land!
DeleteI have to say I agree. Good advice!!!! If you find that right one you will grow together it might take trials and tribulations but eventually it will get to where you guys will look back and laugh. And you will be able to say damn we have come along way.
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ReplyDeleteI believe we've reached an era where women are not solely dependent on men anymore. Because we are more independent, intelligent and successful it's hard for us to find our place within relationships. And it's also hard for men to find their place in our lives without being all-superior. The fact that we are black women makes it even more difficult because of the stigmas and stereotypes associated with our race/gender. The reality is that the more responsibility we take on and the more adversity we face, we actually need our men more than ever. Being judged is beyond our control. We all know that judgement comes with the territory of communicating. And a social media generation with information at your fingertips doesn't make it any easier to remain unaffected. The problem is the fast-food relationship idea, the pressure to keep up appearances and the loss of individuality and the ability to make sound decisions without outside influence. I believe the most important thing to do within yourself is to retain your ability to be an independent thinker in a transparent society and learn to self-love. Patience is key for growth. Focus on you and your partner. And understand that a relationship is an empty container that you both have a responsibility to fill through love and respect. It's not easy, but it's always worth it. AND BE PATIENT! LOVE IS NOT FAST FOOD AND NEITHER ARE RELATIONSHIPS! Thanks for this forum, we need to be able to discuss things like this more often open and honestly because it's not always other people; sometimes it's us. Good luck with you and Kev!!! I'll miss you Tasha!
ReplyDeleteSo well written Isis. And yes, we always want things instant without putting in the work. I'm like you, I don't want a roman noodle relationship. I want a meal that takes prep time,marinate it,simmer it and then prepare it for me. Than see how that relationship turns out. It might not be easy,but you tried. We all have to at times take a step back and look at yourself. Stop bringing up old flames,comparing old relationships and looking for more from someone that you are willing to give. You do that,thing's just might look a little clearer to you. Thank you Isis.I am going to miss you too. Also, thank you for the support with Kevin.
DeleteInteresting post Latasha. In reading the post I could tell my response was going to be the definition of a devil's advocate so I'll just start with this. Now as different sexes of the same species we like to act as though the species is separate but in actuality were not as different as we claim to be. A lot of what we yearn for from our significant other is the same across the board( closeness/comfort, loyalty/commitment, respect/tlc). Now in respect of political correctness I will not say any,but damn I don't know of a man who would disagree with me. We always play the maturity card when it comes to why we have our differences when that card only works in terms of the physical( a number of studies that have long disproven the that mental aspect). Our society as a whole has washed us in this method of thinking and enforced it as well so that this method of thinking can perpetuate into further generations. You see everyday in almost every instance of media. The media has created the ROLE of A MAN and the ROLE of A WOMAN( which is the main barrier we face in terms of gender equality because the constrains society has given us are the resources we use to define our gender environment). Its used this to confine our thinking. When our thinking is confined we stop to searching for solutions and thus issues arise. These issues are created because a utopic environment is bad for BUSINESS, not having issues would kill many outlets for be the powers that be to make money as well as control us as a whole. Just think of the amount of gifts given for forgiveness, all the dating outlets that make money off the hearts of the lonely ones,or all the lawyers/talk show hosts/mediators/relationship counselors whose careers are literally fueled by the societal constructs that that condemn our relationships. There are also countless others if you sit and think to yourself. Neither of us can really tell the other how to be a man or how to be a woman because that template is going to be different depending on the beholder so the fact that some of us try to generalize entire sexes by that is very narrow thinking because even for a given beholder the template is going to change because for any wo/man to use the exact same criteria when their looking for a mate at 18 vs 40 shows a person has not grown( just as our bodies evolve so do our minds(feelings, senses thoughts, beliefs)).
ReplyDeleteNow I say this to get to my point about relationships are not suppose to work unless they are the right one. I think the issue a lot of us face with relationships is a syndrome I've termed the infatuation goggles. Basically the infatuation goggles make use turn those that society has labeled attractive (based off features) in to the ones we want/need. See these goggles make us ignore the energy we feel between another( I believe we all are culprits of this). This energy is the real core that brings soulmates together. You can see an example of this in the instances where you are at a lost for words to describe your attraction to someone but you FEEL IT. Its a feeling many ignore until they actually take the time to travel their conscience but I believe that when individuals are truly soulmates the "learning each other" process is facilitated because many implications turn in to truths that end up being revealed deeper into the relationship. So I don't believe a class is necessary because common human decency propels us enough. The group of us that do ignore their conscience in theory ignore the decency. Some fellas don't know how to treat women but its not because they weren't taught( as I previously said this does not need to be taught society fools us into believing this) because some of the men that have been referred to as worthless or good for nothing by some women are seen as complete gentlemen and sweethearts to other women. ITS JUST DEPENDS ON THE ONE YOUR WILLING TO WORK FOR. The one your willing to work for will work for you if it is the right one and if they're not working for you then they aren't that one.I definitely agree with the sentiment on both sides needing to give their all because that is the only way to go when your devoted to one another. IF the devotion does come from both souls the spirituality can intertwine I.E. the term SOULMATE. In terms of spicing up I feel its easier to find the seasoning when the meat is right.
ReplyDeleteThank you Mr. Unknown for your comment. I must say, it is very interesting. I see your point on a few things, but disagree with a few also.So,let the she-devil begin.(LoL)Mr. Unknown,you said relationships are not suppose to work unless it is with the right one. What about those couples that date, fall in love, get married, start and build a life together, but divorce because of what ever issue they had,they could not be resolved. Did they marry the wrong person? Or did infatuation take over? You have marriages and relationships that on a daily basis struggle to stay together. Are they not suppose to work things out? We don't know why people stay in any relationship. But, it does not mean what issue is currently going on, that they should not be in it. Bad relationships to me are when you have mental and physical abuse in the relationship,but that's why we comment, to get each others prospective. Next issue. So, about that class you think should not be taught. Being a single mother of an 13 year old son, he does need to be taught how to respect women, how to treat them, talk to them,how to be an gentleman,open doors etc. With no father figure, who will do that? Me, his mother. No, I can't raise him to be a man, but I can raise him to be the type of man a woman would love to date. That has to be taught, he can't or should not figure that out on his own at the age 21 or 25.
DeleteLast my unknown friend, I will agree with you that woman have label some good men. At times it can be from a
pass heartbreak, or not knowing how to except having a good man.But, I know there are good men out their. You are right, when we do meet that someone that can be our potential soulmate,you do have to work together and be willing to learn each other to grow to love one another. When this happens, it can become a beautiful relationship. Again, thank you for your comment. I hope you follow me so I can hear from you again. Take care.
Resolution brings up a valid topic. Now I did not mean to make it sound as though if there are hard times or moments of struggle a relationship is not the right one but as I was saying with energy(this is something overlooked). The energy is in essence the passion that propels a individual to love/to hate/ to feel in general. It is this energy I believe builds the foundation for instances of sticking with someone through hardship. You can see this in the examples of folks who would rather give up wealth and single life to struggle with their soulmate. A documentary that enforces and explains this energy a bit more that you might find interesting is called I AM. I'll leave the link in case your interested.
Deletehttp://www.iamthedoc.com/
I'm so excited you took the leap to blog, there is so much purpose in our experiences. I applaud you BFF!!! If your experiences (our) happen to. Ring enlightenment, wisdom, joy, laughter and excitement to other people's journey then they we not in vain!!! I can't wait until this becomes a magazine!!!!
ReplyDeleteI love you!!! CHANGE THE WORLD ONE BLOG AT A TIME!!!
Thank you BFF!
ReplyDeleteI use to be a people pleaser because I didn't want anyone upset with me and I genuinely wanted to see everyone happy. It took me many years to realize that no matter what I did I would never be able to achieve that goal. Not only did this become tiresome and draining. I definitely had to take a deep inner look at myself and address the question as to why was it so important for others to be happy with me, then for me to be happy with me? The moment I was able to answer that question I began made the necessary adjustments. This was not an overnight assignment, however, the homework was done!! My very thoughts are do what makes YOU happy, we are far to valuable to allow other people's views and opinions validate or define who we are. NOW.. as far relationships are concerned I believe there are many factors that impact the way we view the opposite sex, some of these factor I believe stem from our childhood and upbringing, our environments and past experiences etc. Like our unknown author stated every relationship will be different because each individual is unique. Classes for both parties would be the ideal because some of us woman can have maturity issues as well.
ReplyDeleteRelationships are not for the meek or the weak. Hard work is definitely necessary if you find that individual to be worth it. Neither party should ever feel as though they are settling for far less than they deserve. Spicing up the relationship is a great topic because in the beginning people go above and beyond to start something they cannot sustain, or bring out that representative as the next blogger stated. After a relationship takes off and reality sets in generally everyone falls into the regular routine with work-family balance. This can sometimes cause us to forget the little things that made us fall in love in the first place therefore we have to take the time and find a way to get back to that special place. Whether it be little things like a card or letter or maybe even a candlelight dinner after work, not to mention exchanging those granny panties (lol) for a pair of lingerie nighties for you mate. Whatever Floats your boat, those are just my examples. My bottom line is all is fair in love and war. We win some, and we lose some. We just have to discern when we when we should fight harder or just throw in the towel because it's not worth it. True love is out here for us all!!! Love, love, love your blog!!!! I second Michelle.. this will be a magazine in the near future!!! Powerful stuff!!!
Thank you Ms. Parker for your great comment. A lot of issues that most people have do come from their childhood or damaged relationships that they carry on to relationship to relationship,year after year. Then wondering why things are not working out. When you take that time to evaluate yourself, than just maybe you can see that it just might be you. I will say from reading everyone's comments, we do all agree that it takes work to build a great relationship and time to really learn each other. Yes, true love is out there. And I wish it for everyone. Thank you again for the support. Look forward to hearing from you again.
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