Thursday, February 23, 2017
And the QUESTION is.........
From talking to our girls to conversing with our boys. At times, that can be the best kind of therapy. Venting about work, to the kids or just about relationships. If I had to pick which one we vent about the most, I would say relationships. In my last blog, we commented on what we thought made a good relationship work. And the type of work we have to put in to have an successful one.
Being single, I have had just a few (2) that I put 150% into over the years. At that time my heart knew that they were the one. I guess you can say I was definitely in love to have felt that way. But, when it ends, besides the heartbreak, you question your values, your self worth and start wondering how could I have been so wrong, when it felt so right. Then you think and wonder did I miss any signs, while I was floating on cloud nine. Which made me want to ask you this:
If you could ask a question to the ex of your current spouse, lover, booty call partner our just some one you are dating. What would you ask? Once you get your answer, how do you use the information. Should you even trust them? HMMM....
Let's talk...
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So, to the answer to my own comment. I would not ask anything if I had the chance. If I am trying to build a relationship with that person, why bring up their old baggage. I have to see for myself what issues we have if any. I think everyone should be able to come into a new relationship with hope, an open mind and the possibility that love might just be right in front of you.
ReplyDeleteGreat question, I agree! you shouldn't ask the ex anything. That's coming into a new relationship with doubt and uncertainty. Seems like a relationship set up for disaster.
DeleteI agree I think it's very tacky to talk about an ex they're called exes for a reason....Like Madea said people are in your life for a season and when their season is up hopefully you have learned something that you will either take or not want in your next relationship. A lot of us struggle with self worth because we didn't get it at home or the person we thought were the one broke our heart so bad that we don't know how to come back from it, but you have to pick up the pieces and say I love me more. There is a song by Tamia called "Me" and it's very inspirational. If that song doesn't touch you then look in the mirror everyday and tell yourself that you love yourself and your worth a lot and can't no one tell you different. And another thing I think we often need to just take the time to date ourselves so we can get to know who we are because we often tend to loose ourselves in our relationships or settle for someone who we think loves us. But definitely be open minded but still have some of your guard up so you won't get hurt.
ReplyDeleteHi Jimmice, Welcome back. Yes, learning from your past relationships can be good at times. As long as you learn from it and not take it to give the next person you are with a hard time. Learning ourselves is a definitely a must. You cant love someone else if you don't love yourself. I learned that the hard way. With love comes hurt, regardless of how you try to protect your heart. Love can turn to hate real quick. LOL.... Thank you for your comment Jimmice.
DeleteYou are absolutely correct. You still can get hurt even with a guard up. That doesn't mean shut down or don't allow someone else to love you. Also, I wanted to add dont let the next person pay for what the last person has done to you. It's not their fault. I say step out on faith.
DeleteGreat question. Even better opinions by Jimmice & Latasha. With that said I would have to respectfully disagree with both of you ladies. Me personally I WOULD NOT want to talk to my partner's ex. I agree with you ladies, the best way to get to know your partner is to grow together and learn from each other's experiences. Now I believe if you are mature enough to handle what you may hear then sure ask the damn question. To answer the second part of your question, Latasha. Yes you should continue to trust your partner once asking their ex whatever question you asked. No need to be petty & use that against them. In conclusion you should have that right If allowed!
ReplyDeleteI really didn't get the chance to elaborate on the exes situation, but what I left out was that it depends on the situation too. Like if its someone that did them wrong or mother/father of their child. You will always wonder why they didn't last with them or where did things go wrong, but I look at it like they just gave me my soulmate that they missed out on so why questioned it. You ever hear "curiosity killed the cat". You might not want to hear what they have to say regarding your partner because it might not be who they are today or that person could still be in love with that person and feel like they're the one who got away. Everyone knows that if you mention it nine times out of ten its gonna come up in an argument (if the person isn't mature enough). Don't put names to it because it definitely will be thrown in your face. It honestly depends on the person or situation.
DeleteWelcome back Reel Shorts Films. I agree with you and I would never ask an ex anything if I had the opportunity. I enjoy getting to know and spending time with that person trying to see where things go. You and Jimmice are right. I don't see how it would benefit you. The wrong things getting thrown in your face that may or may not be true. And that is definitely not given the person you are with a chance.
DeleteI personally don't need to ask the Ex anything about the guy I am dating. Whatever issues they had are hopefully in the past and should stay between them. Plus We don't need nor should we want the EX's opinion in our relationship. That could add unnecessary messiness to what we are trying to work on.
ReplyDeleteHi Tina,
DeleteThanks for posting a comment. Great point, and I am glad you are not needing to question about the guy you are dating. that's how it should be. And yes, it could cause an disaster if it got out that things were being asked behind their backs. Great comment. I hope everything goes well for you and in your relationship,rememeber to always communicate and find time to spend together to build that bond. I look forward to hearing from you again.
I love this post ! I must say I wouldn't be interested in asking an ex anything. I will not give him the satisfaction of even thinking that his opinion matters. I wouldn't trust a answer from an ex because its too stressful I would try to differentiate in my head if that answer was from a bitter place or if it was genuine.
ReplyDeleteThanks Diamond! Welcome to my blog. It would be hard to tell if the ex would be lying or not. Who would you ask? You cant ask the person you are with. And if the ex tells you some crazy shit. That would definitely screw your head up, and your relationship if you said something. Just not a good look. Thanks again Diamond for your post. I hope to hear from you again.....
DeleteI won't deny that I may have wondered in the back of my mind what lead this person to be single, however not enough to ask an their ex! I believe that in due time a persons true intentions towards you will be
ReplyDeleterevealed. As the author stated, I too believe that each
individual has the right to start on a clean slate, it's
only fair. Seeking information from an ex would not be wise considering the fact that his or her info may or may not come from a sincere place. Again, everything I need know about the person I'm dealing with would be revealed over time, and seen first hand, not from a third party.
Welcome back Ms. Parker. Thank you for your honesty. I know there are people that would definitely ask the question to the ex if they had a chance. Doing so, not thinking about the harm it may cause. We do always wonder when good men and woman are single, what happen in their last relationship. But, the past should be the past. Get to know the person to see what you both can build together. I'm glad also most of everyone comments are willing to learn on their own. Such a wonderful thing. Thanks again Ms. Parker, hope to hear from you again.
DeleteI wouldn't ask any of my ex or previous boyfriends any questions. Some people in your life are only meant to for season and some people a lifetime. You have the best personality and be the most ginuwine person but so people don't see that value. Don't ever question your self worth and never look back at the past. Move forward and keep your head held high
ReplyDeleteThank you Ms. Cooper for your comment. You are so right, some people are only in your life for a season. I learned that the hard way in past relationships. Loving yourself always brings out the best in you. Definitely a learned behavior. Again, thank you for your great comment. Look forward to hearing from you again.
Delete